completely fucking unblemished

(this is too funny)

by Drew Magary

ITEM #23-419938 – COOKING FOR JEFFREY

Price: $35 
Copy: “Hardcover. 256 pages.” 

Drew says: You knew Ina Garten would show up in here at some point. If you really want to feel bad about yourself, go read her Vanity Fair questionnaire. I dare you. It’ll kill you on the spot.

Here’s a sampling: 
What is your idea of perfect happiness? Sundays in Paris with Jeffrey. We go to the Sunday market, make a nice lunch, drink a big bottle of Burgundy, and then take a long delicious nap. Heaven. 
What is your current state of mind? It simply doesn’t get any better than this! 
Where would you like to live? Right here in East Hampton. 
What is your favorite occupation? Mine.

That’s great, Ina. I’m very happy for you. No really, I am. I think it’s great that your life is completely fucking unblemished. Meanwhile, my kid just threw up on my pillow. WHERE IS MY SUNDAY IN PARIS, YOU MONSTER?!

FINISH LAUGHING NOW

(this white space won't go away)